It was late morning, just yesterday when it happened. I had been up since 3:30am, my favorite time to begin. It’s a luxury when I can. My profession demands frequent long and late hours.
Doc was taking a break from his morning’s work, and we were sharing our thoughts as I folded fresh laundry, reporting our progress, coordinating the tasks at hand. He had his beaten clipboard, stubby pencil, turning the usual curls of loose leaf paper, working out some sort of something. He’s always been a paper and clipboard guy. That’s when it happened. Finally.
I had worked in the garden, pruning back the late summer growth, singing new lyrics to imprint them to memory. Singing and snipping, among the lavender and bees, the August sun sparkling like little fairy lights on the Bay, while I designed a new costume and visualized what I wanted the song to be in performance. My early morning was packed with emails and business (after some private mindful work). I am overjoyed at the response to our announcement of Doc’s retirement from the band! I am getting so many inquiries and opportunities! Our dear friends and band members are beyond supportive, and it helps us, through those self-doubting moments.
After business and working on my plan for improved social engagement (now that I’m ready), I listened to tech tutorials while creating a new recipe for a delicious pesto fusion type thing, packed with anti-inflammatory ingredients:
Basil, cilantro, and arugula
Generous garlic
Pine nuts and walnuts
Parmesan
Tons of fresh ginger
Wasabi
More turmeric than you’d think
Toasted nori seaweed with sea salt
A fearless dashing of cayenne pepper
Extra virgin olive oil
A little drizzle of toasted sesame seed oil, to pull it into unami perfection
It’s fabulous. That is, if you like that sort of thing. I meant it as a condiment, but we’re eating it by the spoonfuls. I named it Brain Bomb, due to the brain-feeding nutritional profile. This was followed by whipping up a quick Lime Siracha miso mayonnaise for the salmon salad I planned for lunch. Then I went out to the garden.
Doc spent his morning working on arrangements for my next show’s music, and in his workroom, perfecting the binding on the ff holes of his guitar prototype. He stretched out after breakfast, and I was relaxed, too, since folding a bit of laundry is the easiest of things. Then it happened. Just like that.
For several years, Doc yearned to retire from performing, to make fine musical instruments. There was an ever-increasing amount of the behind the scenes production, as we adapted to new times and technology. I adored it all, and was blooming as a performer, but Doc had outgrown the whole thing. He grew increasingly frustrated. Doc had a different dream. So we visualized and adapted, and came up with a plan.
The transition to this new chapter of life together has been long, slow, and hard. We put much on hold, sacrificed much, putting endless hours into preparations needed, investing time, energy, money, and our very well-being. The all-night discussions were often not anything resembling pleasant. Everything just seemed so hard. We often lost faith in each other, and in ourselves, but, somehow each called on our best selves, our deeper commitment and love, to move forward, together, with our plan.
We are now no longer planning. We are living the new life we planned. That’s what happened. In the middle of a summer morning, discussing daily tasks, with a pile of laundry and clipboard, we realized this is exactly what we planned. We have so much to do, and there always will be. We wouldn’t change a thing about that. But we are living this new life as defined and envisioned. Now, it is just a matter of allowing all to unfold, knowing what we bring to this, and live it, nurture it, with passionate joy. We are two little children, embracing each day with discovery and glee, yet wiser, living with more easy compassion, with a gentle understanding and sense of place and self, than we’ve ever known. And we’re just beginning. Again.
Dreams come true more often that one might assume. I’ve lived long enough to know this. The trick is to recognize them when they do. And dream the dreams perfect for you.
Wishing you passionate joy today, in everything that you do.